New (old) school routines and the ache of the familiar

Last Thursday we dropped the boys off at school for the first time this school year. To describe it to you I want to overuse the word familiar and keep deleting the sentences. So much has felt unfamiliar this past year, and hard in its unfamiliarity, that being familiar is wonderfully novel. And yet familiar does not fully capture the ache of normalcy that returning to our school community brought to me. It felt so good (so! good!) to see so many people I recognized and to exchange pleasantries even if hampered a bit by our masks and tinged by my worry about exposure. Our neighborhood school is half a mile from our house but I felt as though I had traversed a thousand miles that first day for how I felt a world away from our stay at home life.

Our return to school does bring me some worry about increasing our exposure to COVID19. Even as I write this a neighbor’s family, whose kids attend our school, is quarantining after a positive COVID test. I’m eager to see the COVID numbers in our county to continue to go down and for the percentage of people vaccinated in our state to continue to go up. My parents arrived last week and had appointments at 3 a.m. to get their vaccines. They were one of many cars steadily progressing through the sprawling 24/7 vaccination site in the far west valley. This week Chris will receive his second vaccination at the same site although at the reasonable hour of 10:45 a.m.

Without the return to in-person school I’m thinking about our family routines, my daily routines, and what tweaks we need to make. With everyone at home these last months our days have felt all a jumble and have lacked routine, or at least the amount of routine that I thrive on. Our morning routine needs to adapt to getting the boys up, dressed, fed, and out the door by 7:45 a.m. This isn’t too hard since the boys are usually up around 6 a.m. but sometimes Dash “sleeps in” until closer to 7. On mornings that Chris has a meeting I’ll need to take Maeve with me in the stroller (and soon the bike trailer!) to school. On days that Chris doesn’t have a morning meeting he might take the boys to school or we might all go together. In the afternoons I need to head out to pick up the boys around 2:35 p.m. and I need to bring snacks. I was unsure about returning to our post-school park routine but I think we are going to do it. The extra physical activity and free play time for the boys makes for a great transition between school and home. The boys and I wear masks  although other kids do not and most other parents do not. Instead of sitting at the picnic table where I used to sit with other parents I think I’ll bring my own chair plus a blanket for Maeve to sit on although she doesn’t stay in one place for long!

During the day while the boys are at school I still have a baby to take care of but baby care feels so straightforward compared to managing all three kids! During the day the home administrative things I want to get done include: basic tidying up to keep the house in order, getting a load of laundry done, and prepping for dinner. I like to try to get a load of laundry done everyday. To get a jump start on this I’d like to put the laundry in the washer the night before and even measure out the soap and set the cup on the dryer. That way it’s super easy to start the load in the morning. Maeve takes two naps during the day although the time can vary depending on when she wakes up for the day. The length of her naps varies wildly too. Her naps last anywhere from 35 minutes to an hour and a half. This is hard because I never know how long I’m going to have. Do I have enough time to open my computer and get some writing done? Or should I just make myself a snack and fold some laundry while listening to an audiobook? Babies are always changing so maybe her naps will head towards consistency. Hopefully especially after she turns a year old and goes down to one nap.

We like to eat dinner between 5 and 5:30 p.m. so that we have a longer runway towards bedtime. By eating earlier we have time for a family walk, extra play time for the boys, or to get all three kids in the bath/shower. Dinner goes significantly more smoothly if I’ve been able to prep anything that I can ahead of time (chop, assemble ingredients, even get out the pans I’ll need to use). So that’s something to fit into my days. I’d love to bring back weekly sweeping, mopping, and bathroom cleaning as well. We’ve actually been doing okay at getting these things done but I might occasionally tackle one during the day. We were having some success with having the boys help us with these tasks on Sunday mornings for the price of $0.50/task but their interest is intermittent. Having the boys help us consistently is something to continue to strive for.

With Maeve’s inconsistent naps I’m not sure yet if I want to expect any creative work of myself during the weekdays. Unless Chris has a light schedule and can be on baby duty for a while. Maeve has actually been a pretty good Zoom companion for Chris on occasion so I could probably schedule a work session or two each week with him.

When the boys arrive home from school we need to re-establish the routines of having them unpack their backpacks. Lunch boxes should be put next to the sink to be emptied. Maybe over the next few weeks we’ll have them start to empty and rinse their lunch containers. Chris and I need to check their daily folders for anything we need to see or sign. Both boys will have homework. Dash will have a weekly homework packet plus spelling words to practice. Cedric will have occasional homework and I think will have sight words to practice. I’m not sure yet when homework will happen. After school if we play at the park and then return home around 4:30 it will be time to start dinner. Maybe we can get them to do some homework then? Or maybe in the morning since they are usually up so early.

One routine I really want to establish is for the boys to have independent reading time. They love listening to audiobooks but have not gravitated towards independently reading physical books. I ordered each of them some new books to hopefully help the routine along. But I’m not sure yet where in our day to establish the routine. Maybe before bed although when they’re tired might not be the best time to ask them to make an effort to practice reading.

As the boys get ready for bed we should get back into the habit of having them set out their clothes for the next day. We should also set up a lunch-making station on the kitchen island with a cutting board and lunch containers. For some reason this makes packing a lunch feel easier and more pleasant. While we’re setting up the lunch station we could get the coffee measured out and fill the coffee water reservoir. I want to get in the habit of getting a load of laundry ready to wash as I mentioned.

Lunchboxes, laundry, after school snacks – it’s nice to have the bandwidth to think about these wonderfully mundane things again. I’m hopeful that we’re at the beginning of establishing new routines that will carry us through the end of the school year and into “normal” life beyond.

16 responses to “New (old) school routines and the ache of the familiar”

  1. Kerstin Avatar

    How exciting, Kelsey! I am so happy for you and your family that you are getting into a new routine. Quick question: does your washing machine have an delay-start timer? I discovered mine on my old Bosch machine after a few years of owning it and it was life-changing! Our new machine has it too. I measure everything out and tell it to start in X number of hours and then go to bed. Anyway, enjoy your new routine and finally having that one-on-one baby time you’ve been craving 🙂

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      Hi Kerstin, shoot no we have an ancient washer haha. It’s the washer-dryer set that Chris’s parents bought for him in grad school so like 2005?? But one day maybe I will be able to do a delay start that is such a great idea.

  2. Laura Willard Avatar

    Kelsey,
    I feel we are so similar in our routines. Each task can sound so little, but they are massively important in running our homes smoothly. I also completely relate to the thrill of returning to normal. I just had #4 and my older kids are 4,7, and 10. What I would do for a quiet house and just time to care for the baby. I wanted to add that (back in normal times) I had a routine of freezing peanut or sun butter sandwiches and then having a tray in the fridge with yogurts, cheese sticks, fruit/ veg, and then a basket in the pantry of snacks. The kids would assemble their lunches each am. I liked just doing all the prep on one day. I also have the kids pack their snacks and refill their waters for the next school day as part of their after school chores so that is off my mental list as well. So much to remember!! Anyways, so happy for you to have this wonderful transition and take care!!

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      I love this lunch prep idea! That might be something I try to get us in the habit of next school year or maybe this summer. The boys are pretty resistant to taking on new responsibilities…(or at least one of them is and then it seems to set the other against it too!). Love the idea of having them do their water bottles the night before too! That is something we could start implementing. Thanks!

  3. Sam Avatar

    I’m happy for you that you’re beginning to feel a return to normalcy. There is something so comforting about having a regular shape and routine to your days that isn’t exclusively in your house. There’s something nice also about a fresh start.

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      Yes, yes, yes to all of this.

  4. Jackie Avatar

    Last podcast I thought you were homeschooling the kids? What happened? Just wondering

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      Hi Jackie, things seem to be changing faster than we can podcast about it 🙂 I wrote about our school choices and likely sending the boys back to in-person school last week in my post Stay At Home Check In #5.

  5. Melissa Avatar

    This sounds wonderful Kelsey! We started out homeschooling in September, but I’m really looking forward to when schools reopen for us in Oregon. I always appreciate hearing about the thoughtful ways you set up systems and routines for your family. I’m praying for your boys and your family, that you all stay healthy and that the boys thrive as they settle into the new/old school routine.

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      Thank you so much, Melissa! Very hopeful that everyone who wants to is able to send their kiddos back to in-person school in the fall and feel good about it!

  6. Sarah Jedd Avatar

    What is you plan for having the boys interact with the baby after school? The biggest reason we are keeping our older kids home even though their school resumes in-person classes next month is that we have a 6 month-old, and the kids love to hug and kiss and squeeze her and are always up in her business. Am I being too big of a worrier about germs and illness? I ask because you have made such smart, safe choices this year. Your kids going back to school (even though I am just a podcast listener and IG follower) is really persuasive. I’d love to hear more about your thought process with the baby.

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      Hi Sarah, I don’t find myself too worried about this but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be! Our boys have already been playing outside with friends on our street while wearing masks and when they come in we are adamant about washing hands. So I guess we’ve had some time to get acclimated to having them interact with others. With mask wearing and hand washing I suppose that feels like the best we could do. I guess we could have them change clothes but I haven’t heard that as a recommendation that really makes a difference. All choices are so hard right now! For us their behavior was becoming hard enough and showing us that being at home was taking a toll so that was the major factor in how we decided. Wishing you the best as you consider your options!

  7. Sara Avatar

    I love reading about your routine – it sounds so soothing to have it all laid out and planned! Also, it gives value to the “mundane” things like sweeping, chopping veggies, making a snack. It reminds me that those things take time and can fill a day. Naming them will (hopefully) get rid of some of the “where did the day go?!” feeling.

    And, hooray for your boys being back in-person. My 3-year old is in private preschool in-person part of the day and it’s wonderful, but my 2nd grader is still home. Hoping for some in-person school for her soon. Also, sorry to hear the adults at the park don’t wear masks. In California, we are lucky that (where we are at least) most all adults and kids wear them.

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      Yes you are so right – I was talking to Chris about this same thing, how a day of caring for kids or the house does not have the same sense of accomplishment as other or “real” work. By thinking of all that gets done it helps me see all that I do. And I think also being more efficient means that those things take less effort over time so I have time for the other stuff (writing or maybe sometimes even just relaxing, haha!).

      I hope your 2nd grader gets some in-person school before the end of the school year. What a hard year for us all.

  8. Diana @ Bumps Along the Way Avatar

    I hope the school transition is going well for everyone! My son’s been back at school since August (but has yet to go this week, due to nearly a foot of new snow) and feel pretty good with how the school has been handling COVID. Except that we aren’t allowed to send in reusable lunch boxes, everything has to be one use. Which drives my environmental side CRAZY but letting it go for this year, next year if that rule is still in place I’ll make a stink about it. It is hard managing the after school homework and silent reading and family time and everything! I SHOULD start having him lay out his own clothes AND help pack his lunch. Although I’ve started doing that as the boys have their after school snack which gets it out of the way quick.
    I really hope you’ve all had a good transition back. It is a big change!

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      Oh dang that it so hard with so reusable containers! And I’m not sure if the most up-to-date data supports that as a way to prevent the spread so that’s a bummer they still have that rule.

      Your mentioning what you feel you “should” have your son help with – this is me too! So often giving our boys additional responsibility just ends up meaning that we have to remind them of ONE MORE thing to do and I find that really hard. Do we keep at it and eventually they will do it on their own? Or does that mean they aren’t ready for more responsibility?

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