The minima

For years, essentially since we moved into our house (5 years ago!), I have been dreaming of the time when every single square inch of our house is organized; when we’ve touched every object in the house and made a conscious decision about whether or not to keep it. (Can you even handle how exciting and adventurous my dreams are?) In so doing, I imagined that we’d only hold on to what is beautiful – either in appearance or in its significance – and/or useful.

Guys, we are so close to this being reality in our house. I told Chris that we needed a name for the momentous occasion when we would have gone through the entire house and assessed everything we own, similar to using the moniker “the singularity” to describe the supposed impending computer super intelligence (if anyone is following my logic here, high five, friend!). Chris came up with calling it “the minima” and we are almost there. We spent all of last week and this past weekend pursuing the minima. So much so that I don’t even have a photo to share right now, all my energy was focused on evaluating, paring down and consolidating.

As of right now the only bastions that remain untouched by our ruthless minimizing are the two medicine cabinets, the cabinets in our master bathroom and the laundry shelf. These are all areas I’ve organized before but they’ve collected household miscellany, as cabinets and shelves tend to do. We’ve gone through the front hallway closet, the pantry (including the dark and cluttered top shelf!), the sideboard in the great room (including the liquor cabinet! Our recycling bin looks like we had an awesome party.), our master bedroom closet (even the top shelves!), the former-office-soon-to-be-Dasheill’s-room (which had become the place where junk goes to hang out), the former-guest-room-now-office (including the closet which held all the hard to deal with stuff like yearbooks, rarely used dishes and random things it’s hard to know what to do with), and the garage.

I think it might have been selling Chris’s car that kicked us in to over-drive on getting the entire house organized. By moving Christmas decorations to the garage we could begin converting the former guest bedroom to the office and begin making over the former office into a new bedroom for Dashiell. In putting all four of our bedrooms into daily use we’ve had to confront all the stuff that would tend to accumulate in these rooms.

And confront we have. We drove the Prius to Goodwill probably half a dozen times over the past week to donate a car full of stuff and each time returned to find that we could consolidate more and fill the car again. We recycled, donated and sold as much as we could but had to just throw some things away (oh the environmental guilt for sending things to the landfill!). We finally dealt with those tricky things that we’ve been holding on to out of obligation or sentiment and really thought hard if it was worth the physical and emotional space to hold on to. In some cases it was, in many it wasn’t.

It’s it interesting how much emotional weight inanimate objects carry? Even things I don’t really care about, like a nightstand that I bought at a garage sale in graduate school, take emotion to deal with and get rid of, at least for me. There was absolutely nothing significant about the nightstand itself but it reminds me of living in the northeast and being in graduate school and just that can trigger a flood of emotions. Just from a wooden nightstand that I have rarely used! (I decided to part with it in the end.)

It seems that the minima had to happen. Now I can’t imagine feeling ready to welcome a second baby without having cleared out the physical and emotional space in our lives. Even though I wouldn’t see all of these things all the time in a way I carried their weight with me. Soon we’ll be welcoming a second baby into our family and in the coming years we’ll need closet space and emotional space for all the stuff and all the love and energy and memories that being a family of four will bring. It’s felt exhausting but renewing to go through this process and I’m feeling even more ready for this next big change in our lives.

18 responses to “The minima”

  1. Carol Wharton Avatar

    Wow-I’m impressed! I’m afraid it’s too late for us to do that. So much stuff and so little energy. 😴

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      It will definitely be an ongoing process, it’s incredible how quickly we accumulate things. I hope we can keep it up!

  2. Meghan Avatar

    Yes, definitely impressive! Good work!!

    I totally know what you mean about carrying the weight of all the stuff even if you don’t see it all the time. I try to work on clearing out regularly because I am very sentimental and can easily become attached to objects. Like you, they trigger the memories and emotions and are so hard to part with. I’m curious what you’ve done with things like yearbooks?? right now all that high school stuff is still at my parents’ house, but I’ll have to deal with it eventually. For now it has been easier to just leave it there.

    The hardest thing for us lately is our gear. We have a lot of hobbies, many of which require specific gear like rafting and fly fishing. We are trying to pare down and focus on our favorite activities, but it’s been really hard to even think about giving up the others.

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      My parents also still have my yearbooks and other school-day memorabilia so I haven’t had to deal with that stuff yet but maybe I will try to sooner than later. There are some things that I wouldn’t necessarily hold on to – perhaps yearbooks – if it weren’t for imagining our kids looking through them one day. So I would probably hold on to mine. Chris kept a handful of yearbooks, he moved a lot and so he kept the ones from his favorite schools/years. I went through some journals that I have and decided there were some I’d like to go back and reread but others I no longer feel the need to keep. I don’t imagine every letting anyone else read them and I just don’t feel like I have the mental/emotional space to hang on to ALL memories and emotions.

      The gear is hard. There are things that we designated as “let’s see how much we use it in the next year” and then we’ll re-evaluate. I also like the idea of boxing something up and putting it in the garage or attic just to see if you don’t miss it.

  3. Erica Ladd Avatar

    Yeah for crazy nesting and pursuing The Minima! Same thing’s going on here next door. If it sits still for too long, it’s going to Goodwill!

  4. Amanda Avatar

    Sounds great! I really like this idea. We’ve done small portions of decluttering recently and it feels good 🙂

  5. Paige Avatar

    Wow, I really loved and related to this post! I’ll be moving in with my boyfriend in September and I’m already excited to purge and consolidate our things. I am in constant pursuit of the Minima. 🙂 I’m curious if you had to do any convincing with Chris, or if he was just as excited and on board with the concept? And if he wasn’t, or if you disagreed about purging/keeping certain items, how did you resolve it? And finally, I was impressed by your ability to let go of old journals! Did you shred them, or give them to Goodwill for another searching soul to encounter? Or perhaps you buried them in the backyard for the future generations to discover, as historical artifacts? 🙂

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      I think a big reason why we were able to achieve this is that Chris and I have been equally enthusiastic. I think I’ve always tended to me more organization-leaning and more minimal but recently Chris has really gotten in to it. I think we both did a good job of being very understanding of when the other wanted to keep something, since we were both getting rid of so much. I did hold on to some candle holders and little pots for plants that I swear I plan on using and Chris was thinking we should just get rid of them. But I said if they haven’t been used in a year we can get rid of them, so that’s kind of a nice compromise. I do like the idea of half-way getting rid of when you can’t agree, like pack up a box and put it away and see if you miss anything. Chris parted with some big items (his first guitar) that was all his idea and I continually asked him if he was sure and that we really could keep it but he just felt he didn’t need it any more and he hasn’t regretted it.

      Oh my gosh, I like your idea about giving my journals to Goodwill! I wish I were brave enough to do that, I threw two away although I do sort of fear I will hear them being read from on This American Life one day or somehow someone will find them. The bulk of my journals are still at my parents house so I will have to decide about those, it’s really tough. I really don’t like to reread my journals but at the same time it’s weird to get rid of them. Haha, maybe burying them! I like it….

  6. Sarah Avatar

    We are in the middle of this same project, with the arrival of number two being our deadline. Moving helped last month, since it was easy to sort through everything as I unpacked. Also, we went from four closets in the house to two (and lost a shed and a garage), so getting rid of stuff was a necessity. Feels so good!

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      That’s awesome! It seems we are so good at filling up the space we have, even if we don’t really need the stuff, similar to living up to your (financial) means. It’s so interesting to take a step back and really evaluate if you need the stuff, glad you are finding happiness in simplicity. Welcoming another human into the house is certainly motivation to make room! 🙂

  7. Kristy Avatar

    I’m a fan of “The Minima” (and the suggestion to donate old journals anonymously to Goodwill. How fun!). I hope you share more on what you decided to do with the tricky items (sentimental stuff, barely used dishes). Nothing like pregnancy nesting to get stuff done. I attempted to clean out our basement and sort the kids toys before going back to work but got in over my head and now have a basement full of open boxes and garbage, recycling, and donation piles that I can’t seem to get back to. It just feels so overwhelming! Any tips on keeping the momentum going?

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      It can be so overwhelming! I think breaking it up into chunks, like just one box or one corner, even one drawer, really helps. Often just getting started is the hardest part and then you get in the groove. But tackling one area can be good because at the end you can see a space that is simplified or a whole box that is gone and it feels like you accomplished something. Or just have a goal of taking that one pile of donation stuff to be donated, just get one little thing done at a time and remember it’s a process, it may take a while but you will get there. In the middle of everything it can feel like you’re just making it worse with stuff everywhere!

    2. Kristy Avatar

      I like it! The one extra thing/day was working for me when I was recovering from my c-section and I felt like I was getting things accomplished around the house. I’ll have to try the same approach with getting the basement purged and organized 🙂

  8. Carrie Avatar

    I am doing this right now also, mainly in my office. I have so much unnecessary stuff that I keep around “just in case.” I need to learn to get out of that mindset that maybe one day, hopefully sooner than later, I will need whatever it is I am trying to justify holding onto. Minimizing is hard work, but I know it is going to be worth it.

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      The “just in case” stuff is so hard! I think that was a lot of the stuff we were keeping and we finally decided that we will get rid of it and if we really need it (even though we haven’t needed it all this time) that we would be able to buy a replacement. Or put it in a box and put it away. If you haven’t needed it in 6 months or a year get rid of it!

  9. Nora Avatar

    I find minimalism very attractive. Still, lately, I’ve been returning to a motto that my roommate and I put on our college dorm room wall after returned from study abroad: “think of all you can do with what you already have.” It was hard enough in college, but much harder to do in a whole house of stuff. Still, lately I’ve been trying to focus on putting the things I have to good use, and also reduce new purchases. In some cases, the best use is to bring it to a thrift store (or just throw away).

    I do like the feeling of getting rid of items that I’m keeping for purely sentimental reasons. When I edit down my collections of items from the past, I have the chance to consciously narrate my life through what I keep.

    It seems like unless we use minimalism as a tool to actually reduce spending and reduce wants, it’s just another expression of consumer taste (i.e.: the mass circulation of barren white rooms with simple furniture on pinterest).

    1. Kelsey Avatar

      You are always so insightful, Nora! I really agree with you. I love what you said about consciously narrating your life through what you keep, I really agree with that and I think that’s what we’ve been doing. I do see us doing a lot with what we already have, I’m not very tempted any more by something new and shiny or with new features when what we have is perfectly fine and functional and especially when I think that it would be one more “thing” we have to maintain and find a place for. That’s a really good point about minimalism as a style versus as actually cutting down on stuff, I’m glad to say I think we are the latter.

    2. Nora Avatar

      One reason I enjoy your blog is because you talk candidly about how you balance ideals with real life. You seem to celebrate your life as it is, while doing what you can to build a more authentic way of being in the world. It’s helpful to read about (I liked your previous reflections on appreciating your house as it is a lot… I think that may have been what got me thinking about our old “think of all you can do with what you already have” sign, actually). And it is funny how paring down really is a means to wanting less. Sometimes I think that’s because it’s easier to find things! When we got married, my spouse and I combined our collections of nail clippers. We have 11. How did we get all of those?!

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