Seven months of being a working mom

  Eveningchat

I've been sitting here, trying to think of what to say about being a working mom, which I have been now for over seven months. It's something I'd like to talk about more in this space; I think it's as an important topic as finances to talk honestly about. At the same time I've been doing this for such a short amount of time and I'm always finding new dimensions, both the challenging and the rewarding.

I will say this: It's hard to face the demands of work and the expectations of others when being a mama and everything in my home world are my top priorities.

But also: At the same time, working challenges and engages me in ways that are different and that are important to being me and that fulfillment makes me a better mama. I feel really proud of myself both as a mama to Dashiell and partner to Chris and also for the ways I contribute at my job and the financial contribution I make to our family.

And this: Connecting with other working moms has been the number one thing that continues to buoy me and is something I feel very passionate about. Finding other working moms that you can talk to about the good and the tough is the best advice I would give to other working moms or moms about to go back to work.

A few months ago I was talking to a colleague who is also a full time working mom. She has a young son and gave birth to a second son a few months before I had Dash. I told her I felt like I was starting to get the hang of being a working mom and asked her if you ever fully get used to it. "You never get used to it," she said, "you just adapt." 

After seven months back at work, since Dash was twelve weeks old, I do feel that I am adapting. It was hard to go back to work when Dashiell was 12 weeks old. Really, really hard. But lately I'm feeling like we've found our routine and many days I actually enjoy it. I enjoy my time commuting with Chris or listening to podcasts if I'm alone. I enjoy working productively at my desk, having uninterrupted hours to work and interacting with my colleagues. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment from completing a project that contributes to an organization that I believe in.  At the same time I can't wait to get to Dashiell at the end of each day and I wish that I was not away from him for so many hours. 

Even though it was hard to go back to work and I wish that I could have taken off more than 12 weeks I don't regret working and I don't wish that I was staying home full time. Before I had Dashiell I wasn't sure how committed I would feel to my blog once he was born. I've been surprised to find that I feel more committed to it and approach it more seriously now more than ever. I've even taken on additional creative projects like developing an e-course and recording a podcast. All of this has made me realize that I love to work and to create and that I will always have a dimension of work outside of motherhood in my life. 

I feel like this is a bit rambling and that there are so many more things to say! But for now I will say: I'm seven months into being a working mom and I'm adapting.

12 responses to “Seven months of being a working mom”

  1. Emily Avatar
    Emily

    Cheers to you, Kelsey! We’re thinking of starting a family and these topics are constantly on the forefront of my mind. It is so helpful to hear how others make it all work. Thanks for your example!

    Reply
    1. Kelsey Avatar
      Kelsey

      Thank you! I always process new things better by finding lots of examples of what others have done so I hope that by sharing I can do the same for others.

      Reply
  2. Stephanie Avatar
    Stephanie

    I love this topic! I went back to work after 11 months with Rowan. It was hard and I definitely allowed me to recognize and understand the luxury of staying at home with him. After 3-4 months of work I realized that my heart is really in my own business and staying at home with him and our next baby due in a few months was what I wanted to do! If I didn’t have my own business, I would be a working mother too. I need to be super active, challenge myself, work in a community with like-minded individuals, otherwise I think I would go insane. That whole expereince really benefited my relationship with everyone, myself included. It definitely gave me insight into what Matt was going through when he worked, and vice versa when he was able to stay at home with Rowan while I worked. In the end, I found both working and staying at home are equally as hard, just in different ways.

    Reply
    1. Kelsey Avatar
      Kelsey

      Congratulations on your second pregnancy!! I completely agree that I think there are challenges and sacrifices whether you stay home full time or work full time or do something in between – thats parenthood! Thats life! Now that I also have the experience of being a mother and knowing that working in some regard is very important to me its figuring out the type of work and under what circumstances would be ideal and then making that happen. I think I would love to work for myself and that is something we are working towards. But that is another blog post! Congratulations on taking the leap to work for yourself, that sounds very rewarding (although Im sure requires some bravery too!).

      Reply
  3. Sarah Avatar
    Sarah

    Love this post! It’s nice to hear another mom saying she enjoys being at work … it’s been my experience, and that of others I’ve spoken to, that a certain amount of guilt comes along with admitting you like time away from your baby. I know I like it, even though I miss my daughter every day, and the combination of the two feelings sometimes makes me squirm! I guess I should accept here and now that adaptation is the best I can hope for. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Kelsey Avatar
      Kelsey

      Thanks for chiming in, Sarah! It is so hard to hold both of those feelings at once – gah! Theres nothing else like it. Heres to adapting 🙂

      Reply
  4. Vanessa Calkins Avatar
    Vanessa Calkins

    My mom (who watches my son while I’m at work) told me recently that to be a mother is to have guilt. Always. Forever. No matter what. Hearing that made me feel less crazy for having such conflicting feelings about craving time in my own head for work and projects like never before, and wanting to cherish every day of my son’s growth. I am hoping deeper peace about this duality will come as I continue to work on that “adaptation” but so far, the hardest part about being a working mom has all been my own making!

    Reply
    1. Kelsey Avatar
      Kelsey

      The guilt! I know! Its an interesting thing. I dont feel guilty when Im away from my husband all day but then of course Chris is capable of taking care of himself and is independent. Id prefer to be with Chris more during the day but I know that he is happily engaged in his job. Somehow I just dont feel the same way about Dashiell even though I know hes well taken care of and happy at daycare when Im away. I do feel less guilty when its my mother-in-law of Chris at home taking care of him. I enjoy so many things about work and would want to keep working in some capacity even if, financially, I didnt need to work. I guess what I wish is that I could clone myself and be at home with Dashiell AND work. And this doesnt even explore the perspective of stay at home moms, I know that they probably also feel guilt about things, just differently, and have their challenges too! We certainly all need to support each other, thats for sure!

      Reply
  5. Kelly Avatar
    Kelly

    Thanks for posting about this Kelsey! I second what Emily said, we’re in the early stages of planning a family but I want to work and am constantly (it seems) thinking about how they will balance. I appreciate the insight from someone who is already experiencing it!

    Reply
    1. Kelsey Avatar
      Kelsey

      Before I had Dashiell it was hard to see how it could all work out, its can be so hard to plan and anticipate for the ways that your life will change (as much as I like to try!). But you CAN do it and, for me at least, it has seemed to work out in ways I could not have anticipated, such as being able to work at home on Fridays and finding a daycare where a friend works, which just gives me more peace of mind. Certainly make plans and try to anticipate but also trust that it will all be OK!

      Reply
  6. Kristy Avatar
    Kristy

    I think for me having a job I really enjoy, doing work I feel is meaningful, and, in a big way, having a shared parenting approach is what makes all the difference. I try to focus on positives like my kids forging strong relationships with other family members and spending quality time with my husband who is home before me. My extra income also benefits the family in many ways. I actually don’t feel “the guilt” anymore like I did when I worked at a job I didn’t enjoy. It would be different if my kids were unhappy or I wasn’t entirely comfortable with their daytime caregivers but my oldest loves going to school and my littlest is totally smitten spending days at home with his aunt. I am able to take a vacation day or lieu time to make it to important events and I call and check in at home on my lunch hour and talk to my little guy every day. Sometimes, work and volunteer commitments require me to be out a few evenings/month and lately I’ve been astonished at how surprised people are to find that I have young children and how much I get asked the question “who is watching your kids while you’re here?”. I got the same in grad school yet this question is almost never posed of working fathers. I think we still have a long way to go before most women will be able to let go of “the guilt”. So jazzed you’ve decided to take on a creative project dedicated to working moms! I watched a documentary the other week called “The Motherload” and remember them saying working mothers today spend more time with their children then SAHMs did in the 1960s. Crazy.

    Reply
    1. Kelsey Avatar
      Kelsey

      I agree with everything you said! Having an enjoyable, engaging job is SO important. When I had previous jobs where I was unhappy I just could not imagine being a working mom, it would not have been worth it to be to leave my baby to go to an unfulfilling job. That documentary sounds interesting, Ill look it up!

      Reply

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